Healing Ourselves, Healing the World
by Kathy Galleher, Ph.D
The theme of the Congregation’s assembly this year, “Healing Ourselves, Healing Our World,” was the same as this issue of Living Peace, and was taken from the Congregation’s Chapter Call: “Urged by a burning desire to speak and act boldly with open, loving and adventurous hearts… we now commit to addressing, healing, and being present to the wounds and broken relationships among ourselves and all of God’s Creation.”
Acknowledging and embracing our collective woundedness with tenderness can bring deeper peace within ourselves and allow us to bring greater tenderness and peace to others and the world. As priest and author Gregory Boyle writes, “Once we are reached by tenderness, we become tenderness.” Anything that brings healing and peace to our own hearts can bring healing and peace to the wider world. Sister Pat Farrell, OSF, says, “Transformation on any level is contagious, always creating a ripple effect. The reign of God is within, yet continuously unfolding outward.”
In this article, I share some practices that can bring healing and peace in ourselves and to the world.
Our Brain
Our brain has developed throughout evolution to help us survive. All of us have basic longings for safety, connection (love), and satisfaction (from pleasure or doing things with meaning). Although we long for peace, security, and happiness, our brains are hardwired to pay attention to signals of danger, scarcity, and threat. We remember negative interactions far more than positive ones. Evolutionarily, this makes sense. When our ancestors had to choose between noticing a beautiful flower or an approaching tiger, it was better to keep their eyes on the tiger! The problem is that our modern world is full of paper tigers—traffic, alarms, images of disaster on the news—stressors that activate our ‘alarm’ system, and we miss a lot of beautiful flowers in the process. This can leave us chronically depleted, anxious, and stressed, even though we are not in actual danger. We need to learn how to turn off some of these false alarms, notice the good things, and restore our sense of peace.
One way to do this is to train ourselves to look for the good things. When we focus on the good, on love and connection, on safety, or on happiness, it activates the part of our nervous system that signals “I’m safe,” and we can rest and be calm. The more we live in this calm/safe state, the more we feel open, resilient, peaceful, and at ease. We can calm ourselves in difficult circumstances, or when remembering old pain.
Here are some ways to help cultivate greater peace:
Pausing
Have you ever felt like you were running from one thing to the next, with no opportunity to catch your breath? For many of us, this is a daily experience. Our lives can be filled with non-stop appointments, to-do lists, checking social media, etc. Why not experiment with the art of pausing? Pausing helps us arrive in the present moment where all of life is taking place. When you finish an activity or meeting, take three to five minutes to pause and do nothing before the next task.
Sit still, close your eyes, and pay attention to your body. Inhale deeply, then exhale slowly (like you are blowing out a candle) two or three times. You should sense your body relaxing.
Try enjoying a cup of tea or stepping outside to feel the warmth of the sun on your face. We can return to the next activity more refreshed and peaceful.
Touching Joy
We may encounter a lot of suffering in our daily life, such as friends or family who are ill, physical pain, or tragic news stories. In the face of this suffering, we need to touch joy. Take time to connect to the beautiful and joyful things around you and let those become real: a bird singing, a child smiling, a delicious strawberry.
These joyful moments are every bit as real as the suffering. Touching and savoring these can replenish us, broaden our horizon, and make the suffering easier to bear. (Thich Nhat Hanh)
Velcro versus Teflon
Neuropsychologist Rick Hanson, Ph.D. observes that our brain is like Velcro for negative events and Teflon for positive events. The good moments slide off and are easily forgotten, yet we recall an embarrassing moment from high school like it was yesterday! One way to retrain our Teflon brain is by reviewing and savoring the good moments of our day. Take time daily to recall the moments of kindness, laughter, and accomplishment, or a feeling of love. Let these moments soak in, re-experience them, and really savor them, so they “stick.”
Notice What’s Right
Our brain focuses most of its attention on what is wrong, so we miss the multitude of things going right at every moment. Thich Nhat Hanh points out that most of us never enjoy the fact that we don’t have a toothache right now.
We can develop the muscle of positive attention by asking, “What’s right right now?” In everyday life, (especially in moments of frustration) try expanding your focus to notice what is still right in that moment: “Yes, the traffic is terrible, and I am stressed about being late, but my eyes can see colors, the sunset, the faces of those I love. My heart is beating. My lungs are working. I have food and shelter. I am safe. And no toothache!” So many wonderful things are going right, right now! Practice noticing them and your sense of peace will naturally grow.
Acceptance
Tara Brach, psychologist and mindfulness teacher, talks about the power of practicing ‘radical acceptance,’ and saying yes to all our experiences. When we do this, we don’t waste energy fighting our circumstances or our feelings. When we take a stance of acceptance, we can bring deep unconditional tenderness and compassion to our difficult moments and to those of others. We can also replace our negative judgments (“I’m too impatient”) with curiosity (“I wonder why this delay is bothering me so much?”).” She offers the acronym RAIN to guide us (Recognize, Allow the experience, Investigate my feelings, and Nurture myself). This four-part process can help us embrace and accept the difficulties we experience. (See tarabrach.com)
Dealing With Pain
All of us carry some wounds, some grief, some past baggage. To bring healing to these, we begin by acknowledging them. “What am I carrying? What experiences of loss, grief, or illness are affecting me now? Is there pain from the past that is still unresolved?” Are there patterns of conflict that repeat in your life, always the same story but with new players? Or painful doubts that recur in relationships (feeling like no one loves or appreciates you, wondering if you are worthy or good enough, feeling lonely or left out)? I call these our hotspots. These are places where we always seem to get reactive, angry or anxious, fearful or controlling. These are often rooted in our childhood.
Thich Nhat Hanh offers a beautiful image: “Do not fight against pain; do not fight against irritation or jealousy… Embrace them with great tenderness, as though you were embracing a little baby.” Can we listen to our pain and hurt when it arises with tenderness, asking with curiosity: “What hurts? What is wrong?” When we do this, we can often see the young child in us (or others) who is simply hurting, vulnerable and in need of love and acceptance.
Self-Compassion
Many of us long for someone to acknowledge our pain and offer us compassion and support. Yet, we naturally give this gift freely to friends and others we encounter. We listen, we respond with love and compassion. We already carry the powerful tool of compassion in our hearts, but we don’t always think to use it for ourselves.
The principle of self-compassion is simple: always speak to yourself as kindly and supportively as you would to a good friend. It’s learning to put an arm around your own shoulder to offer comfort in moments of difficulty. Visit Kristen Neff’s website for a three-step process on how to do this (selfcompassion.org).
Acknowledgment/Recognition of Suffering - Just being willing to notice and accept that you are experiencing suffering or difficulty, rather than trying to ignore or repress it. “Yes, this is a really hard moment for me.”
Compassion - Responding to the suffering by saying something supportive, “I’m so sorry you’re going through this,” or “Of course you feel like that…”
Universality - It can be powerful to recognize all the people in the world who, at this moment, are also feeling the same way (lonely, frustrated, powerless). This reminds us of our shared humanity and that we are not alone. We can then offer a prayer for peace and consolation for all of us. “May we all be kind to ourselves;” “May we all know we are enough.” (Neff, 2011)
If we practice self-compassion regularly, we cultivate a softer, more supportive inner voice, which can lead to decreased anxiety and depression and increased resilience.
Together, all of these practices can help bring healing and compassion to ourselves and help bring peace and healing to the world. I strongly encourage you to find one or two practices in this article that speak to you and begin to try them for just five minutes a day. Even better if you can practice these in a faith community or with friends. Together, let’s be part of the reign of God, continuously unfolding outward.
Dr. Kathy Galleher is a clinical psychologist in Silver Spring, Maryland, who specializes in working with religious congregations and individuals in ministry. She offers facilitation and workshops on healthy ministry, self-care, deepening community, conflict, and transitions.
This article appeared in the Autumn 2024 issue of Living Peace.